Religious dogma surrounding sex often claims to protect morality, maintain societal order, or foster spiritual growth. However, its rigid frameworks harm individuals across all spectrums of identity—LGBTQ+ and heterosexual alike. These doctrines disproportionately burden individuals with shame, unrealistic expectations, and repression, regardless of their orientation or gender identity. At the heart of this is purity culture, which enforces strict rules about sexuality, often to the detriment of mental health, relationships, and self-worth.

This blog explores how these teachings harm people from all walks of life, provides tips for deconstructing these beliefs, and offers strategies for moving forward with authenticity, freedom, and compassion.

The Role of Purity Culture in Sexual Dogma

Purity culture is the set of beliefs and practices that equates sexual “purity” with moral and spiritual worth. It often manifests as strict rules around abstinence, modesty, and traditional gender roles. While it may seem primarily focused on heterosexual individuals, its effects extend to everyone.

• For LGBTQ+ individuals: Purity culture denies the legitimacy of their identities and relationships, branding them as inherently impure.

• For heterosexual individuals: It enforces rigid expectations that stigmatize natural desires and limit emotional and sexual connection, even within “acceptable” contexts like marriage.

How Sexual Dogma Harms Everyone

1. Shame and Fear Surrounding Sexuality

Religious dogma often frames sexuality as something dangerous and sinful unless expressed in highly specific, acceptable ways. This universal condemnation creates profound shame.

• For heterosexual people: Young men are often told their sexual desires are predatory and must be controlled at all costs, leading to internalized guilt or overcompensation through toxic masculinity. Women, on the other hand, are taught that their bodies are stumbling blocks for others and that their worth is tied to their ability to remain “pure.”

• For LGBTQ+ individuals: Sexual desires and identities are dismissed as unnatural or sinful, creating a profound disconnection between who they are and who they are “supposed” to be.

In both cases, these teachings leave individuals feeling alienated from their bodies and desires, fostering anxiety, depression, and self-loathing.

2. Unrealistic and Harmful Relationship Expectations

Purity culture paints an unrealistic picture of relationships, often setting people up for failure.

• For heterosexual people: Marriage is idealized as the ultimate goal and reward for sexual restraint. This leads to rushed marriages, mismatched partners, and unhealthy dynamics. Women are often pressured to be submissive, while men are expected to lead, stifling equality and emotional connection.

• For LGBTQ+ people: The outright denial of their relationships as valid leaves individuals feeling excluded and unworthy of love, pushing some to remain closeted or engage in harmful relationships to “fit in.”

3. Fear of Sexual Exploration

Purity culture stigmatizes any exploration of sexuality outside the “approved” context, leaving people ill-equipped to understand their own bodies or desires.

• For heterosexual people: They may enter relationships without the knowledge or confidence to communicate their needs, leading to unfulfilling or even harmful sexual experiences. This is something that may easily breed resentment in a relationship.

• For LGBTQ+ people: They are often denied the chance to explore their identities safely and are pushed into repressing their feelings entirely, leading to long-term harm.

4. The Burden of Gender Roles

Religious sexual dogma enforces strict gender roles, harming individuals of all identities.

• For heterosexual men: They are expected to be strong, dominant providers, leaving little room for vulnerability or emotional connection. Often men stuck in this dogmatic approach to sexuality believe they’re entitled to their partners bodies without considering the needs of their partner.

• For heterosexual women: They are pressured to be passive, modest, and nurturing, often at the expense of their autonomy and self-expression. Women trapped in these dynamics often face constant pressure to view fulfilling their partner’s needs as their sole responsibility. This can lead to significant anxiety around sex and hinder both partners from experiencing true fulfillment and connection.

• For LGBTQ+ individuals: These rigid roles erase their identities altogether, creating a framework where they cannot exist authentically. Not being allowed to “be yourself” is a major cause of destructive behavior, and even suicide for some.

Deconstructing Sexual Dogma: Steps for Healing

1. Acknowledge the Harm

The first step to healing is recognizing how these teachings have affected you. Ask yourself:

• How has purity culture shaped my beliefs about sex and relationships?

• What emotions—shame, guilt, fear—do I carry because of these teachings?

2. Educate Yourself

Seek out resources that challenge purity culture and offer alternative perspectives. Books like Pure by Linda Kay Klein and Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber provide valuable insights into deconstructing religious dogma and embracing a healthier view of sexuality. YouTube videos on deconstruction are invaluable.

3. Reclaim Your Body and Sexuality

Take steps to reconnect with your body and desires in ways that feel safe and empowering:

• Practice self-exploration without judgment.

• Engage in open, consensual conversations with partners about your needs and boundaries.

• Consider therapy to unpack and address lingering guilt or shame.

4. Redefine Your Values

Spend time reflecting on what you believe about sex, relationships, and intimacy. Separate your own values from the teachings you’ve inherited, and create a framework that aligns with your authentic self.

5. Seek Community

Surround yourself with people who share your desire to break free from harmful beliefs. Whether it’s a support group, an online forum, or affirming friends, community can provide validation and encouragement.

Moving Forward: Embracing Freedom and Joy

Breaking free from religious dogma around sex is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. It’s about reclaiming your right to love, pleasure, and intimacy on your terms. Whether you’re heterosexual, LGBTQ+, or somewhere in between, the harms of purity culture can be dismantled, and healing is possible.

How I Can Help

As someone who has navigated the impact of religious sexual dogma and is still working on deconstruction I’m here to provide guidance, empathy, and resources tailored to your journey. Whether through conversations, creative expression, or practical tools, I aim to empower you to move forward with confidence and self-compassion.